Excitement and Possibilities

A friend just reminded me that I should be freaking out; looking at all the possibilities of travel.

Somethings I will get to do:
- Full pomp of Chinese New Year in it's 15+ days of glory
- See electronics 2 years before they are sold in canada
- Light coat / no coat in Feb.
- Clubbing in Hong Kong
- Sweet black sesame soup
- Cow intestines cooked in star anise for sale in little roadside carts
- Cheap Lai-cha

Leaving

I suppose I better start now. I am not going to be anymore amicable to myself later on to talk about my feelings that I am having right now.

I appreciate all the hugs friends have been giving me. Hugs are really good. Going to Asia is completely nerve-wrecking.

I suppose hearing all year last year from people telling me about their identity changing experience final persuaded me to go. Hari, Patrick, Leah in particular stuck out in my mind. Shit.

Where is home?

The last ten years, I have been telling myself the comfortable lie that I am special. I am Asian: let the masses of white fuckers twist in the wind. Let them clutch to their imaged sub-identities. I don't need them. I was born with mine.

But it isn't really true, now, is it?

Despite all of my protestations, I am still a Bananna Boy. Below the skin, any hint of Asian-ness is but a drop in the vast sea of a thru-and-thru Westernized Man. Plain yogurt with a splash of vanilla. I am not an alien in the strange, Western lands; I am a white man marginalized by the accident of birth and skin colour. It's almost a social disability -- like a lisp.

The last twenty years have been like playing dress up. Playing both, neither, one, or the other. But the core of core is always someone else. No one.

The preparation of the trip is a confrontation of the lie. I am not ready. I will be a stranger in my yellow skin to the billions of other yellow skins. A rough rock dropped into the stream in warble twists.

It's all in the little things. The thousands of small affections in speech and manner to portray the persona of a certain kind of person. But my persona -- as a architype -- only exists here. I won't be me outside of North America; the social self I wish to project cast too short of a shadow to span oceans.

I mean here, I know how fast I am suppose to walk in the subway to tell people that I am too tough to rob. What is a "brisk and confident" pace in Hong Kong?

I don't think I like Ana's

They are really really mean to fat people.

I found this from 57 Reasons Not to Eat.

14. Too many people in the world are obese.

15. People who eat are selfish and unrealistic.

16. Only fat people are attracted to fat people. Do you want pigs to like you because you are one of them.

20. If you slap a fat person you can see a shockwave ripple over their skin. That's disgusting.

29. Fat people are so huge, yet people look away from them as if they don't exist.

30. The only time people do notice a fat person is when they get in the way of that beautiful thin girl walking by (ok that sounds really horrible i know.)

47. Fat people make their country look bad.

48. Big people sweat more and they smell bad.

Ana, Mia, and Ednos

It's late at night and I am on youtube looking at skinny girls in bras and panties set to the tunes of emo/electronica.
Yeah... well, it's not porn. I am watching thinspirations.

A few days ago, I was surfing wikipedia and someone used the word "pro-Ana." Who is Ana? Some new celeb I never heard of? Why are so many 15 years-old girls swearing allegiance to her?

I found out via this wikipedia entry that "pro-ana" are people who view anorexia as a lifestyle choice and not a disease. I was curious.

I looked at a few online diaries like this one:

When I was shopping the other day, I went into a shop and tried on a skirt.
It was the smallest size available, and it was too big!
I felt so fabulous.
I mean, it dropped down from my waist, and when I tried to wear it on my hips, it was too long.
Even the shop clerk complimented me on my thin figure.
I hope this keeps me motivated, but I'm a bit sad that I can't exercise for another few days.
- from Perfect Elegance

I also looked at a philosophical discussion on the topic here. Mostly it revolves around conceptions of perfection, sacrifice, and self-control.

The tips section are also interesting. They seem to be a mish-mash mixture of encouragement, nonsense, and harm-reduction.

I found gems like:

Clench your butt all the time. Guys like a nice ass and you burn calories too.

On the other hand, the website encourages Anas to be thin but not dead. There are encouragements to ensure the right nutrional intake.

I finally saw some thinspirations. Videos made by pro-ana's to encourage each other not to eat.
Thinspo real girl BEST ever!!!
FAT is a CRIME
Perfection Comes in Size 0 :: Nicole Richie Thinspo ::

I don't know. I think these girls are kind of mean to make fun of fat people.
I personally don't find the women in the thinspirations attractive.
But other people may have a different opinion from me.
I'd admit this: pro-ana's have good taste in music at least. I was rocking out to some of the songs in the videos.